Bill Kaulitz talks to us about painful love
& the attraction of power women
Bill Kaulitz has always been a fictional character. The hair, the makeup, the styling and then eventually the tattoos – in Germany there is hardly a musician with such an extravaganza, with more glam factor and with more talent for transformation. Just recently, the artist has reinvented himself again: For his solo project, a black and white short film by Shiro Gutzie and Davis Factor, a fine-art photo book and the album ‘I’m Not Okay’ called Billy – and is unusually approachable and private in the Ref29 interview . So a fictional character may also be down to earth and sow-sympathetic …
Billy, are you okay?
Now yes [laughs]. I have processed on the EP a relationship that was painful in many ways. When you leave, then there is only anger and aggression and then you go on to the phase in which one is sad and vulnerable. Sometime you just go to the point where it is believed that one should try again. All these different phases I went through and I wanted to put it on this album.
So all five songs are autobiographical?
Yes! This is the most personal thing I’ve ever done. When I wrote that, I thought that I will not survive. I was cheated on and it just hurt so much. And now I know that it was good: If I would have been happy, then it would not become as good in the studio.
Must one suffer in order to make art?
This is difficult to answer. I believe that if you have found someone who really makes happy you and you have a really solid relationship, then you can still manage to be creative. But I’ve never been there in my life so far.
Never? But this is quite sad, what you’re saying?
It’s sad. I know unfortunately just that love hurts. Basically, I believe that love does not have to hurt. Especially if it only hurts, it’s not good for you. I had to realize that at some point. [Laughing]
You’ve achieved incredible success with your band Tokio Hotel, sold over seven million records worldwide, for example: is it now over, only to make music?
A bit yes, although Tom has produced the EP so thus has accompanied me in the studio the whole process. But it already feels different, partly because Gustav and Georg are in Germany and we two in Los Angeles. I feel a bit vulnerable, because now I am delivering very personal songs alone. I am more excited than usual.
Who scored the first issue of your photo book about this project?
My mum! She is very proud. Mainly because even my mom is an artist, she has a gallery and she is super talented in oil painting. And that her son is now in a gallery exhibiting his photos, of course, is something very special for her.
You express yourself with this project as a person – do you have any advice on how to learn to accept yourself as you are?
The key, of course, being happy and that’s the difficulty. If I have to be someone else, then I’m unhappy. This is also in the career today so: If too much pressure is applied, and there are so many expectations of me, then it’s not good for me and then I can not be myself. For this reason we had to move a few years ago to Los Angeles. I had to pull the plug, I felt just not good. The most important advice is to listen to yourself. You have to keep asking: What makes me happy and I’m happy? The only way to find yourself.
Do you need a certain time to find yourself?
Totally. Even today I get points, which I thought that I would have already overcome two years ago and then I get a little better every time. One understands life only backwards, in my opinion. In looking back to get it, why it all made sense at the end.
In Refinery29 we celebrate strong women. How are you on about feminism?
I find powerful women really great. I’m also a big fan of Angela Merkel. I now will not sign all of their political or trendy decisions [laughs], but I think it’s great that a woman is so powerful in Germany. Generally I find independent and successful women insanely attractive and appealing. There are very many men who are intimidated and can not handle it, but I’m different.